Be Kind to One Another
Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. …Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. (Eph 4:30, 32)
Ephesians 4:32 lays out a progression of healing for relationships —first kindness, then compassion, then forgiveness.
When there has been an injury in a relationship, there must be healing.
And wherever there are relationships, there is hurting and being hurt.
How do we give grace after we’ve failed to give grace?
First, be kind to each other.
Notice that this is action. It is not a feeling. Whatever “compassion” is, it comes second, not first. And “forgiveness” also comes later.
Before we talk it out, and before we feel like talking it out, we can act kindness.
Kindness… is being kind. Being polite, saying “please” and “thank you,” thinking of them, serving them first, cleaning up after, and just generally conveying to the other person that they are important to you.
Being kind in a situation that will require forgiveness is really hard. How do we do this? I do not know. Let’s ask Jesus.
Jesus, how were You kind to us, who did so much harm to You? “The Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many.” (Mark 10:45)
So first, Jesus might say, Kindness is simply part of our calling. To the extent that we understand why we’re here at all, then we’ll understand that kindness is how we live out that calling, how we honor the One who has sent us, and how we accomplish His will.
But, Jesus, sometimes this feels overwhelming. Were You ever overwhelmed with the task of being kind? How did You carry on?
“Jesus knew that His hour had come… knowing that the Father had given all things into His hands, and that He had come from God and was going back to God, Jesus rose from supper… and began to wash the disciples' feet.” (John 13:1-5)
Jesus washed the feet of those who were soon to betray Him, deny Him, and desert Him, for whom also He would die. How was He able to do this kindness? “Knowing that the Father had given all things into His hands, and that He had come from God and was going back to God…”
When maybe He didn’t “feel” like it, Jesus was kind because He remembered God’s promises. He remembered who He was. He remembered where He was going.
Do I know who I am? Where I am going? What God has promised me? Yes, I do. And so I can be kind.
They do not deserve kindness. I do not feel like being kind. But I know that I belong to God. I know that I am here for His good purposes. I know that my future is secure. I know these things.
Kindness is in my soul. Kindness is my true home. Kindness is my heart’s desire.
I can be kind too.
Trust these commands and they will lead to the feelings we want to feel and the conversation we need to have.
Photo by George Lopez on Unsplash