The Most Important Step in Relational Repair
Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. …Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. (Eph 4:30, 32)
Ephesians 4:30-32 informs us that, when we have suffered a relationship-injury, the Spirit of God is steering us toward forgiveness—first, kindness, then compassion, then forgiveness.
Kindness first because we can obey the Lord and live by faith whether we feel great about it or not. And then, by grace the Spirit works within us through our obedience. The Spirit “renews a right spirit within us.” (Psa 51:10) So we find our feelings begin to shift.
Yes, we can start acting rightly. And yes, the Spirit will help us feel differently.
But will this ensure that our forgiveness delivers true relational repair? After all, we don’t want the hurt hanging around. Our forgiveness can’t be just an act of the will or a trick of the mind.
It has to come from the freedom and joy of God’s forgiveness of us.
This is the most important step: Consider God’s forgiveness given in Christ.
Paul’s statement, “as God in Christ forgave you,” is a series of words, each one a point with vectors of meaning stretching in all directions to infinity.
For now, we’ll reflect on them briefly.
How much sin did we have for God to forgive?
Not a lot, right? Um…
Sin includes not just breaking God’s commands (shouldn’t have done), and not just not-fulfilling God’s will (should have done). It also includes anything we’ve thought, said, or done that wasn’t done from faith in Jesus and wasn’t done in love for others.
And this abundance of sin was inflicted on the holy and wholly-loving God, who made us, to whom we belong, for whom we exist, and from whom came our redemption. Such sin in such large quantities required that God Himself, the Son of God, suffer death for us in our place.
How much sin did we have for God to forgive? Um, a lot.
It was a lot of sin. It’s like a lot-a lot.
How much sin did God forgive us? Yep, all of it.
All the stuff you know you did wrong. All the stuff you know you failed to do right. All the stuff you have no clue about. All the widening ripples of pain your sin causes in the lives of others.
All the sin you’ve done, are doing, and will do.
Like a pebble hurled into the ocean, so the devastating enormity of our sin disappeared into the grace of God when Christ Jesus gave His life for us.
Jesus tells a story about a fellow who is forgiven, like, millions of dollars, who then finds someone who owes him, like, a pack of gum, and he starts to slap him around, demanding repayment. The parable lands when the Great Master steps in and says, “Should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I have had mercy on you?” (Mat 18:33)
When we appreciate how much and how fully we’ve been forgiven, it makes it easier to forgive.
It also makes it sweeter. Forgiving others is now sharing some of the unbelievable gift we’ve received.
It can still be hard and scary, for we are still ourselves, weak and anxious. But by considering God’s forgiveness of us, given in Christ, we are better prepared to share a forgiveness that will truly set us both free—a forgiveness that will reunite us within the joy of our Lord.
So we find that we are no longer combatants, we are celebrants.
What a difference Jesus makes.
Photo by Thomas Vimare on Unsplash